


Mixed Signals

by raritysdiamonds



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Characters Reading Fanfiction, Crack, Deliberate Badfic, International Fanworks Day 2020, M/M, i for one welcome our dumbass gay alien overlords
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-22 11:34:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22715395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raritysdiamonds/pseuds/raritysdiamonds
Summary: The Almighty Tallest receive an unusual transmission.
Relationships: Almighty Tallest Purple/Almighty Tallest Red
Comments: 8
Kudos: 39
Collections: International Fanworks Day 2020





	Mixed Signals

**Author's Note:**

> For the IFD prompt “characters react to discovering fanworks they are in”!! Bc I wanted to contribute and this fandom is definitely not helping my, for lack of a better term, crack habit ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ I should probably add that the fic-within-fic here is in no way based on any specific fic! but I did try to sprinkle in some of those Absolute Classic Fanfic phrases~
> 
> as always, thanks for reading, I always love to hear your thoughts, and happy Valentine’s!! ❤️💜

“My Tallest!” Amid his tireless efforts to navigate the Massive safely to the next conquered planet,  Pilot Kivar’s head jerked up at a sudden beep.  “We have an incoming transmission from...Planet AO3?” He frowned, but before he could decode the signal the large screen that usually projected the ship’s trajectory flickered, flashing up with some kind of strange inscriptions. “Is that one of ours?”

“How should we know?” Tallest Red paused from slurping his soda to cock an invisible eyebrow at the screen. “I’m not reading all those words. What’s the message?”

Kivar ran a translation of the document, squinting at the screen. “It reads like some kind of activity log? But it’s, uh -  _ oh _ …” His eyes widened as he scrolled, an olive flush heating his cheeks under his uniform. “ _ Well _ \- it’s about the two of you, my Tallest, but it’s detailing...activities that you probably don’t want broadcast to the galaxy. It may be an attempt at intimidation or blackmail - “

“Oooh! I like things about us!” Tallest Purple exclaimed, spraying donut crumbs everywhere as his antennae perked up. “Go on, read it!”

Kivar’s squeedlyspooch sank. “Sirs, I should really focus on not colliding with that asteroid field, but the computer can...”

“He _wants_ you to _read_ _it_ ,” Red repeated, his tone suggesting someone might be getting thrown out of the airlock if he didn’t comply, and Kivar heaved a sigh. 

“ _The Tallest gazed deeply into each other’s sparkling ruby and amethyst_ _orbs,”_ he read through gritted teeth, as Red and Purple whooped their approval.“ _Uniting in a passionate embrace, their tongues battled for dominance…_ ”

“We did  _ what _ now?” Purple spluttered, his amethyst orbs -  _ eyes,  _ damnit - bright with mirth.  “Who won the battle?!”

“It doesn’t say.”

Red snickered as they clutched each other, both enjoying this far too much for Kivar’s liking. “Seems like everyone knows I always win our tongue fights.”

“Do not!” Purple shoved him with a squeal of mock outrage. “That’s tonguing talk!”

Things abruptly descended into chaos as the Irken race’s almighty leaders started wrestling, rolling around in fits of giggles aggressively trying to lick each other’s faces. But at least they were distracted, giving Kivar hope that he might just have gotten away with...

“Keep it coming! What do we do next?”

Kivar grimaced, silently cursing the unfeeling robot arm that birthed him. “ _ Purple trembled and mewled in pleasure as his lover’s warm, moist cavern caressed his…”  _

“Heh, you  _ do _ do that.”

“ _ Moissssst _ ,” Purple hissed into Red’s neck, making them both snort again

“... _ Antennae _ .” Kivar breathed a sigh of relief at the end of that sentence, only for his face to fall as his eyes flicked to the bottom of the document:  _ Chapters: 52/?  _ “As...enthralling as this is, sirs, that asteroid is getting really -“

“Did we say you could stop?!”

“Yeah! We wanna hear how the story ends!”

Kivar - along with everyone else in the room - really,  _ really _ did not, but it seemed he had no choice.  “ _ Pushing the other Irken down onto the bed, Red set free his engorged, undulating, tentacular -“ _

The asteroid slammed into one of the Massive’s snack pods, sending the ship careening and the crew screaming and scrambling for their very lives while the Tallest’s hysterical laughter echoed through space.

Next time, Kivar was taking his chances in the airlock.

**Author's Note:**

> tongue battle responsibly, kids 🤪
> 
> thanks so much for reading! Feedback is always appreciated <3


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